Writings by members of ASPIRES

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On the thread: Communication - - Devious


On the thread: Communication -- Devious 
By Pia

"I am wondering why you are asking this. I am wondering what "very very outspoken" means that we need to be "warned" and permission asked. I am a little concerned (this is not very very outspoken language, I suppose) that you might mean "can I give it to you between the eyes?". Even though I know that you do not intend to harm or hurt, I am not that keen on getting things straight between the eyes. On the other hand, if it makes it easier to express thoughts, just go for it and I shall adopt a "wait and see" approach.  Just my worries"

This points to another very interesting communication problem.

The same thing can be said in so many ways, and the message between and under the very words/lines can be understood in as many ways as there are listeners.

What is heard as a friendly proposition by some is rather a blow between the eyes of another person.

I understand that many AS persons may think that NS ways of communicating are hypocritical and affected, there are so many strange rituals and frills involved and the rules of conversation are hard to understand and may seem ridiculous. You say what you have to say and that's it.

Communication and conversation is being together. Social interaction does involve rites, among them rites to demonstrate friendliness (as well as animosity) and belonging (as well as alienation). From apes to humans you recognise the bonding process: grooming and chatter and chirps and so forth.

Verbal communication among humans is loaded with rituals and patterns for bonding.

This means that we usually have the means to communicate with relative strangers in friendly ways. It also means that the better we know our conversation partners the easier it becomes to relax and we are able to let loose, we know what hurts and we know how to put right what we have done wrong.

Without the abilities to intuitively understand such rules of social interplay I suppose that a gifted and extrovert AS person has to rely either on the formal rules of a formal discussion (preferably the rules of logic) or patterns s/he recognises from childhood and the closer circles of family and friends.

As long as you follow the rules of a formal, logical discussion, very little can go wrong. But then again, many dimensions of human interaction are lost. "Shallow and superficial" discussions are extremely important for society at large. To master them is also a virtue. In my opinion.

Why did I write this then?- again I am not sure.

Things like these fascinate me, and I have begun to dare bring them out, it is kind of lonely to think about it at night while doing the dishes.

Thanks for listening and for your patience.


  Pia 2002


"We each have our own way of living in the world, together we are like a symphony.
Some are the melody, some are the rhythm, some are the harmony
It all blends together, we are like a symphony, and each part is crucial.
We all contribute to the song of life."
...Sondra Williams

We might not always agree; but TOGETHER we will make a difference.


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