"I am wondering why you are asking this. I
am wondering what "very very outspoken" means that we need to be
"warned" and permission asked. I am a little concerned (this is not
very very outspoken language, I suppose) that you might mean "can I
give it to you between the eyes?". Even though I know that you do
not intend to harm or hurt, I am not that keen on getting things
straight between the eyes. On the other hand, if it makes it easier
to express thoughts, just go for it and I shall adopt a "wait and
see" approach. Just my worries"
This points to another very interesting
The same thing can be said in so many ways,
and the message between and under the very words/lines can be
understood in as many ways as there are listeners.
What is heard as a friendly proposition by
some is rather a blow between the eyes of another person.
I understand that many AS persons may think
that NS ways of communicating are hypocritical and affected, there
are so many strange rituals and frills involved and the rules of
conversation are hard to understand and may seem ridiculous. You say
what you have to say and that's it.
Communication and conversation is being
together. Social interaction does involve rites, among them rites to
demonstrate friendliness (as well as animosity) and belonging (as
well as alienation). From apes to humans you recognise the bonding
process: grooming and chatter and chirps and so forth.
Verbal communication among humans is loaded
with rituals and patterns for bonding.
This means that we usually have the means to
communicate with relative strangers in friendly ways. It also means
that the better we know our conversation partners the easier it
becomes to relax and we are able to let loose, we know what hurts
and we know how to put right what we have done wrong.
Without the abilities to intuitively
understand such rules of social interplay I suppose that a gifted
and extrovert AS person has to rely either on the formal rules of a
formal discussion (preferably the rules of logic) or patterns s/he
recognises from childhood and the closer circles of family and
As long as you follow the rules of a formal,
logical discussion, very little can go wrong. But then again, many
dimensions of human interaction are lost. "Shallow and superficial"
discussions are extremely important for society at large. To master
them is also a virtue. In my opinion.
Why did I write this then?- again I am not
Things like these fascinate me, and I have
begun to dare bring them out, it is kind of lonely to think about it
at night while doing the dishes.
Thanks for listening and for your patience.
© Pia 2002