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Truth and AS
Aspies do not have an early natural,
untrained ability to lie or to detect lies when spoken by
others. They may not understand the full consequences of
the misbehavior of other children or adults, and often find
themselves "holding the bag" while their peers' misbehavior
remains unnoticed or denied by children and adults who do
know how to tell convincing lies. Because the unwritten
rules of social behavior and language remain mysteries to
them, they become attached to enforcing rules and often gain
the reputation of being little super cops or informers in
situations where other children commonly ignore or break
rules undetected without consequences. Some AS individuals
continue this pattern of being "enforcers" into their
adulthood, insisting that others adhere to rules and
inconvenient routines that are regularly broken or ignored.
As an example, one AS son thought it was a mortal sin for
his mother to go through the express check out line with
more than the maximum number of items. She had eleven
items; the sign said nine! How dare she break the rules!
He would have a dramatic meltdown as others in adjacent
lines stared in amazement at his behavior. It didn’t matter
to him that the Checker had asked her to come into that
line. The rules were posted, and she had broken them.
AS individuals can also be blunt and disarmingly
honest. Observing someone on the street or in a store, they
may loudly say, "Look at her. She is soooo fat! She
should go on a diet!" Well, that might be true but it is
socially inappropriate to say this in public because it
hurts the other person's feelings. AS children have
difficulty understanding their own feelings, and therefore
they also have trouble understanding the feelings of
others. "Why would it hurt her feelings as every one can
see that she is fat? I am only saying what ever one else
knows to be the truth." Without careful, repetitive
training, they simply do not understand "socially
unacceptable" public observations. Some parents teach their
children the "No's" without teaching them how to express
their concerns in socially appropriate ways. Rather than
saying the wrong thing, or learning how to tell socially
approved white lies or to express their feelings later, in
safety, many parents adopt an inappropriately rigid response
to the social misbehavior of their children. At the point
where it no longer becomes possible for parents or care
givers to watch every word or behavior of the child, it is
essential that our children understand their own particular
"flavor" of AS and start to deal with the world in a
comfortable way from an accurate self-understanding.
The overwhelming desire for literal meanings
of words, combined with the desire for truth, can cause
problems for children as they are growing up. For example,
a well-intentioned teacher who asks that the class take a
“nap” might find a child who refuses to sit down. That
child when asked why he/she is still in the book section of
the room might respond truthfully with “I’m not tired”. If
the teacher is willing to reword the request “Will all of
you please find a place on the mat and lie down for a few
minutes?” the problem is averted. If the teacher angrily
demands the child “take a nap” there will be a battle of
the wills, and the student will suffer the wrath of the
controlling, domineering teacher. This is a very important
lesson in word meaning that everyone associated with a
person with AS should learn.
Disclosing AS to others needs to become a
careful, well-thought-out process. Inappropriate disclosure
has many uncontrollable and unexpected consequences; so
children and newly diagnosed adults should be given ample
opportunity to role-play, engage in guessing games about
"What would you do if?” The life-long knowledge about their
own traits, strengths, and weaknesses should be something
that the AS person should know how and when to hide as well
as how and when to disclose.
As the AS individual has matured, it is
possible that they have learned how to lie as a coping
mechanism with social problems. They do not see the
difficulty with not telling the truth, because it
accomplishes whatever their short-term goal is. They do not
see the consequences to others for they are unable to
understand any impact their actions might have on others.
Remember that all comments made by the AS individual will be
likely in a monotone with little facial expression, and
perhaps little eye contact—this will make it very difficult
to identify a lie versus the truth in an AS adult. Not all
AS individuals will “learn” this ability to lie, but those
that do may use it without remorse. It is therefore
important that AS children be properly taught the reasons
for being truthful, and the acceptable reasons for not
disclosing something at a given time.
What is AS
Official
Criteria for Asperger Syndrome
Basic
Characteristics
Traits by Age
Truth and AS
Family and AS
Should You
Seek a Diagnosis?
Reason and Support for BRASS
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"I know of nobody who is purely Autistic or purely neurotypical.
Even God had some Autistic moments, which is why the planets all spin."
~ Jerry Newport