and List Rules:
MEMBERS: Please copy this list of rules and archive it
somewhere on your computer.)
Inquiries for membership by third parties "on your
behalf" will not be accepted. Linda will respond by asking
questions of you by return Email. To apply for membership,
contact Linda Newland at
firstname.lastname@example.org or phone @ 1-541-389-0004.
Who may join
ASPIRES is a closed,
subscription-based, no-charge listserv dedicated to discussion
and exploration of adult intimate relationships where at least
one of the members is considered to be on the higher end of the
autism spectrum. If you have a desire to understand the
behaviors of your spouse or partner and are willing to
participate in a give-and-take discussion in a positive, safe
environment where members share our stories, experiences, and
"survival tips" you will enjoy ASPIRES.
We ask you to respect our confidentiality and privacy and honor
the trust others will place in you.
this listserv -- including the identity of the members on the
list -- is to be copied, forwarded or distributed to others who
are not on ASPIRES, nor is
any information you learn here to be used for any purpose
related to personal, professional or commercial gain.
To become a
member, you must be
over the age of 21; and A person in an intimate relationship
(marriage or partnership, boy-friend/girl-friend) diagnosed
by a professional or self-diagnosed, peer-confirmed with
Asperger Syndrome (AS) or high functioning autism (HFA); or
non-autistic spectrum spouse or partner of a person on the
autistic spectrum who believes or knows that their partner
or spouse is on the autistic spectrum; or
A person on
or off the autistic spectrum contemplating an intimate,
permanent relationship with a known person who may be on the
autistic spectrum; or
spouse or partner of an Asperger relationship, either on or
off the autistic spectrum where children were involved. Your
primary purpose of joining the list must be to understand
"what went on" in the former relationship and/or be able to
provide positive information to help the child(ren)
understand your former spouse or partner.
A Note about
Students, Professionals and Authors.
In order to join ASPIRES,
you must satisfy the membership criteria above. Even if you
satisfy the membership criteria, the List Owner may ask
additional questions of you to determine your purpose and
interest in joining ASPIRES.
If you are a student or work in the field of human services,
education (public or private), counseling, or
journalism/publishing, you must disclose this information at the
time of applying for membership.
ASPIRES is not a resource or a place where
professionals should expect to receive "continuing education" in
their fields of endeavor. The posts and archives of
ASPIRES are not to be used for
purposes of research or "mining" for subject matter, or for the
purpose of privately contacting individuals to further a
member's professional's standing in his or her own community of
relationships discussed here will be filled with challenges.
There are occasions that a member of
ASPIRES may "vent", may discuss their
children's problems, or may request minor medical advice.
But if your purpose for joining is confined to primarily to
these three interests, please contact our list owner for
recommendations and referral to other resources rather than
membership. There are other lists that would better serve
ASPIRES is not a
listserv for single autistic spectrum adults "looking" for
answers on how to initiate adult friendships or how to form
intimate, adult relationships. Our members have passed this
stage in their personal development.
Domination. The discussions on
ASPIRES are a give-and-take form of conversation. If
one individual starts to monopolize the conversation,
continually returns the list to a single topic regardless of
where the list discussion is actually headed at the moment, or
changes the over-all discussion by requiring "crisis assistance"
prompting intervention by a large number of our members, the
list owner or co-administrators may have to take special
administrative action. The action could include being privately
contacted to change your habits, being placed on moderation, or
being removed from the list.
Health Crises. Serious personal mental health crises cannot
be handled on ASPIRES.
Individuals seriously threatening suicide, or members with
serious mental health problems such as hallucinations or
paranoia should find professional assistance. At the sole
discretion of the List Owner or the co-administrators,
individuals showing signs of any of these problems are subject
to immediate moderation or termination of their membership.
following standards and rules apply to many listservs. They
reflect the courtesy and culture of Email lists developed over
time to prevent "takeovers" by small cliques, domination of
themes not germane to the mission of the organization or the
purpose of the list, and otherwise make common-sense on this
electronic medium of exchange. ASPIRES
is a closed subscription listserv. That means the
general public cannot just log on and participate or have access
to our archives. We have developed several additional rules
designed to keep ASPIRES a
safe place for open, frank exchange between members.
Members are not to post to ASPIRES
Email through the use of multiple "to" addresses that include
other persons or lists. If you have received express written
permission from another person or list to post something
appearing elsewhere, you must "strip" that address header and
footer information from your Email to
ASPIRES. Members are expected to understand how to
operate their Email properties to accomplish such "editing."
Members new to Email or not familiar with how to strip
additional addresses from their "to" or "from" address headers
can ask for technical help from our more experienced members.
Because list confidentiality and the private identity of our
members is important to all of us, ignorance about how to
accomplish this simple editing is no excuse. Members who ignore
instructions about "to" and "from" additional addresses in their
posts to ASPIRES this rule
may lose their posting privileges to the list.
We require members to keep their replies free from prior posts
to which they are responding. This requires more than just
hitting "reply" or "reply to all" on your Emails. If you are
responding to particular text, include only that text through
"cut and paste" editing from the original post to your own.
Do not include the entire
contents of any post you wish to respond or add too. It takes up
space, causes readers' eyes to glaze over, and is a waste of
everyone's time to uncritically include an entire previous post
with your comments. Learn how to edit by copying from one post
and pasting to a new one.
want to let the writer know how much you liked their post, it
is ok to reply to that person privately. If
you are a newcomer to Email or don't know how to perform this
operation, ask for help on the list or contact the list
administrators in a private Email.
When members change topics, courtesy requires that you
change the subject line to reflect the new topic. This makes
"tracking" a subject easier than "guessing" what a post is
Just a thought
By way of reminder;
Changing the subject
Is great but still kinder
Is letting us know
What you're going to say;
Don't let old topics
Remain the same way.
If the thread you will answer
Is still much the same,
Then how about specifically
Mentioning a name
Then everyone knows
To whom it should be
And I won't waste much time
Reading mails 'not for me?'
As I said, this is just
In case you forgot
That my mailbox can daily
Fill up quite a lot,
So to not nag too much
But just say, 'by the by,'
Kindly take note,
When you next reply.
© Rochelle Rober - January 2004
No plagiarism is allowed. People "own" their own words. If you
quote someone, be sure to properly identify the author and
If material being quoted in part or in full is copyrighted, we
expect members to respect the intellectual property rights of
the author and/or the source. Whenever possible, rather than
quoting lengthy materials, we ask members to provide the Web
site address or publication where such material can be accessed.
Confidentiality. All postings directed
to the list are private and confidential. Any sharing of
information received from this list with others not on this list
is cause for immediate termination.
Any unauthorized disclosure of member identity or posting
identifiers (Email address) to others not on the
ASPIRES list is cause for
No Commercial Use.
Any use of information derived from
ASPIRES is not to be used for professional,
commercial, or financial gain and is cause for immediate
termination. In addition, the ASPIRES
listserv is not to be used for selling or contacting
possible purchasers of any item or service.
Harassment, "Flaming" and Disrespect.
The List Owner and co-administrators have exclusive right to
determine whether these behaviors have occurred. Any threatening
or harassing behavior whether in public or through private posts
is cause for immediate termination regardless of whether or not
the individual who is the subject of the harassment, flaming, or
disrespect is a member of ASPIRES.
"Being Put 'On Moderation'."
ASPIRES' arrangement with our host server
organization, FEAT, requires that the List Owner and others
authorized by the list owner may place a member on moderation or
may terminate their membership. "Moderation" means that the list
owner will review all posts written by the specific member for
content before posting them to the list.
The Rule on "Me Too's"
Don't do them. The list is primed for moving
discussion along. It isn't necessary for members to respond to
everything they read just for the purpose of agreeing or to be
noticed. "Me Too" responses crowd someone else out who wishes to
add to a thread or contribute a comment. If you wish to add
something, then by all means, please do. If you want to let the
writer know how much you liked their post, please reply
privately to that person.
Play Nice with Each Other On and Off the List Rule
Don't say things in private posts to list members
that you couldn't say in a public post without being accused of
flaming, slandering, belittling, threatening, or harassing
another person. If your topic is personal or you otherwise wish
to communicate further with a particular list member, please
take your communications off the public list serv and between
yourselves. Individuals who meet one another on this list often
take to private postings, but since you met this correspondence
partner on this list, s/he is entitled to the same courtesy and
respect you would extend to anyone else on the list, in a public
private" doesn't give anyone license to revert to childish,
disrespectful, threatening or harmful behavior. If it comes to
the moderators' attention that your private posts to one another
are "going off the deep end," the moderators reserve the
absolute right to suspend your privilege to access the list,
both in receiving and sending posts, as well as having access to
the archive. If the moderator decides your behavior is bad
enough -- whether you or other listmembers agree or not -- you
may be banned from the list entirely rather than merely
moderated or temporarily suspended.
Perhaps more simply: We trust that members are
all big boys and girls. If you start "losing it" in your private
posts, you lose you privilege to post in public.
The Basic Preservation of a Good and Valuable
Thing Rule: (It's about behaving yourself!)
The list owner reserves the right to place any
person on moderation or remove them from the list if in her
judgment the integrity and well-being of the list is in jeopardy
as a result of deliberate or reckless behavior, on the list as
well as off the list but between list members. The list owner
and moderators will exercise this rule pro-actively and even
without warning if in the administrators' judgment damage
control must come first, and then an unruffling of the feathers
can only come second. Remember, ASPIRES
is a benevolent and relatively permissive forum for civil
discourse. It is not a democracy.
ASPIRES is a privilege, not a right. Administrative
decisions by the Owner and authorized co-administrators are not
"democratic." Membership eligibility and retention issues are
not subject to a vote by the membership. Terms and conditions of
moderation are administrative actions, and will depend on the
member's infraction. Administrative actions will be handled
through private Email between the List Owner, co-administrators,
and the member affected. Any effort by an
ASPIRES member subject
to administrative action to publicly or privately develop a
"clique" or to line up sides, causing public dissention and
squabbling among the members regarding administrative actions
will not be tolerated.