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ASPERGER SYNDROME: MEETING THE WORLD HALFWAY
By Dan Coulter
I’m convinced that, without knowing it, many of us are routinely
interacting with people who have some form of Asperger Syndrome. We may
think it’s something else. They may not recognize it themselves.
It’s not even a bad
thing that we or they don’t know, unless their Asperger-driven behaviors
interfere with their lives. Then, knowing can make a huge difference.
I was diagnosed with
Asperger Syndrome last year at the age of 59. This gave me the opportunity
to look at the compensating mechanisms I’d developed in my career. But it
also gave me a fresh perspective on people I encountered over the years. I
worked at Bell Laboratories for a while. In some ways, Bell Labs was like
Asperger-central. But accepting the quirks of brilliant scientists was
actually a source of pride at "the Labs."
In another job, I hired
a person who was generally pleasant and a great individual performer, but
turned out to lack management skills. He consistently made the people who
worked for him angry at his seeming lack of sensitivity and tendency to
micromanage. And he was genuinely surprised when confronted with his staff’s
complaints. Luckily, we were able to put him on a performance plan to build
his leadership skills and modify his job so that he made more solo
contributions and had fewer supervisory duties.
I wonder about the
number of people who lose jobs because of behaviors they’re not aware of and
don’t know how to control.
It would be great if
employers routinely worked with such people to improve their performance and
modified jobs to keep them on the payroll. Too often, I fear, that’s the
exception rather than the rule. If people have significant,
neurobiological-based social deficits, their best hope for steady employment
is to get diagnosed (with Asperger Syndrome or other appropriate diagnosis)
and learn how their condition affects them. They can then use that knowledge
to modify their behaviors and apply for jobs that are suited to them. And,
when appropriate, disclose their condition to bosses, coworkers and others.
Every person who discloses and helps educate others about Asperger Syndrome
makes it easier for the next person.
We also need to help
people see that Asperger Syndrome can affect people in very different ways.
Hearing rigid definitions of Asperger Syndrome makes me shake my head. I
read recently of someone who said you can’t have Asperger Syndrome if you
want friends. Yes, some people with Asperger Syndrome like to be alone. But
I know of many who yearn for friends, but have a hard time making them. I
have great respect for those who persist and succeed.
My son, who has Asperger
Syndrome, can have trouble reading other people. Knowing this, he
compensates by working hard at it. He puts tremendous effort into
considering what presents members of our family would like for birthdays or
Christmas. As a result, he gives great gifts.
Again and again, I’ve
seen people with Asperger Syndrome use their strengths to more than balance
out their challenges.
We’re now raising a
generation of children diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. Many parents are
working hard to help them understand their condition and improve social
skill deficits or deal with other difficulties.
But the second, crucial
half of the equation is to educate family, neighbors, teachers, classmates,
employers, coworkers, and others to what Asperger Syndrome means in general,
and what it uniquely means to each person. Awareness and understanding can
help keep Asperger Syndrome from getting in the way.
I don’t really care
whether or not every person I meet knows that I have Asperger Syndrome, as
long as having Asperger Syndrome doesn’t keep that person from seeing me for
who I am.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR -- Dan
Coulter is the producer of ten DVDs about Asperger Syndrome and autism,
including "Manners for the Real World: Basic Social Skills" and "Asperger
Syndrome at Work." You can find more articles on his website:
www.coultervideo.com.
Copyright 2010 Dan
Coulter All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission.
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